6

First World Problems . . .

So, I gotta take the Lex bubble to the shop. Set my alarm for 8:30. If U know me U know I am NOT a morning person. If I don’t have a meeting or a shoot there is NO reason to be woke before noon. No reason. I only snoozed till like 8:37. SUPER proud of myself. Actually left the house at 9:30, which is also super awesome for me because my procrastination STAY LIT.
So, the problem is that I am leaking coolant, So I gotta fill the radiator. So I can’t start the car to warm it up or anything. Because of this, I actually wore my gloves, zipped up my coat, and wore a hat. I RARELY EVER zip up my coat. And lately I haven’t been wearing hats either. I be on that cute shit like I’m skinny and lite skin. When I walk and my coat blow and you can see my waves or curly lil half-fro, that shit looks so gangsta to me. Don’t judge me. 😆
So I clean the whip of snow, and while I HATE the lazy mufuckas that just clean out holes in the window or let the wipers and defrost do it, I don’t do the roof or hood. That will blow off. Well, the hood was too heavy with snow to stay up, so I had to clean that too. Bastard.
My shop is on 102nd and Western, so I dip off at Dunkin Donuts on 79th and Western. 2 turkey sausage, egg, and cheese wake up wraps. (And make sure you take care and DO NOT allow my cheese to stick to the wrapper!) XL Original Blend. Espresso Shot. Sugar Free French Vanilla. 8 Equal. 8 cream. Again, do not judge.
Get to Autonology, drop off the keys, and reach down for my phone so I can Lyft/Uber home.
No phone. No clip. No holder.
I do the whole pat down of my coat and pockets knowing damn well it would ONLY be clipped on my belt, but you know how people do.
I walk out to the car because maybe it fell off in the car . . .


Sidenote: Team Android. Since I started with the 1st Samsung Galaxy I use Otterbox Defender cases. LOVE them. Detachable belt clip holder, case, and screen protector all in one. Lovely. One day I lucked up at the lil cell phone shop on 87th and Kedzie in the Ultra Foods plaza. They sold authentic Otterbox cases FOR THE LOW. I have been shopping with them for years. When I got this Galaxy 7 I went there directly from Sprint to get my case. Well, they didn’t have authentic cases. But it looked and felt JUST LIKE an Otterbox…for $10 because dude remembered me. So I got it.
Trash.
Right now the lil flap that covers the charger hole doesn’t close right and the clip on the belt spins all the way around instead of the 90 degree angles it is supposed to. And my phone falls out of the holder way too much. JUST YESTERDAY I said I need to get a real Otterbox, lemme look on Amazon 2mar (Monday = Today)


So, of course it is not in the car or on the ground . . . Did it fall off while I was cleaning the car? Nah. I woulda felt it. No. Why would you have felt it. It has fallen off before. Yup. It sure has. Damn. No, wait. Remember when you were in the kitchen before you left? Remember you heard your ESPN alert go off? Remember? Wait, did it? Did I? I got my clip from off the shelf, and didn’t I put it on my belt? No, you didn’t, because you heard your ESPN alert in the studio from the kitchen. Remember? Yup. Now I remember. I sure did. I didn’t lose it. It is at home on my desk. From when you sat down and started downloading those effects and you told yourself, no don’t do this you gotta go, and you left it there. Yup.
(This is how my mind works. This was the entire thought process as I stood outside the shop. Remember what I said about judgement? Don’t.)
So, no phone, no Uber. (I HATE just saying/typing Uber, because as a driver I actually like Lyft better, but I’m simply not gonna type Lyft/Uber every time, so when I say Uber, in your mind also think Lyft. Do it for the people and all us RSD’s that use both.)
Look up and down Western, do cabs even run this way? But do I have cash? I never ever carry cash. Who has cash? All I got is 4 5’s and my emergency 50. What bus runs out here. I look up and see it’s a Pace. I don’t do Pace. I barely do CTA, but I got a loaded Ventra for times like this. But if Pace doesn’t take Ventra, then I gotta drop a $5 bill on them? Hell naw. And LORD KNOWS I am NOT walking down to 95th street! lol
OK, so imma just call my nephew. He is like Uber king. He can get an Uber for me. Problem solved. Damn. No phone. They would let me use the phone in the shop though, right? Nope. Don’t even know my nephew’s phone number. I have never ever dialed it. Cell phones are the devil. Plus he is in school. Might not be able to answer. Maybe the bus is the best idea.
So the 349 Pace bus is actually coming. I catch it and get on. I ask him if he goes to 79th and Western and if he takes Ventra.
The way this mufucka looked at me and answered yes . . . It took everything in me not to punch this dude in his throat and crush his trachea.

All rolling his eyes and sighing heavily and sounding all annoyed and shit. Bruh, I don’t ride a damn Pace bus. I know damn well those 2 questions are on yalls FAQ list. Hoe. I’m heated. Hadn’t planned to be on the bus today. Only person on the bus with a coffee too. Felt like I’m supposed to have a Wall Street Journal and sit with my legs crossed.
So as we are approaching 79th he is gonna stop before he crosses 79th. Good shit, because I need to catch the 79th street bus on this side of the street.
Wrong.
The 349 pulls down to the lil mini terminal by where Miss Muffet used to be (R.I.P. to Miss Muffet). Where I also see the 79th street bus pull off from. My bus. Damn.
So I walk down to the terminal, coat still zipped, hat still on, one glove. Because I am afraid I will drop my coffee if I hold it with a glove. I stand by the 79th street bus sign. No phone. No music. No nothing. This sucks. So after a while I start looking around and wonder how the buses come through and pick people up. The little part where the bus comes through is too narrow for 2 buses, plus the eastbound bus wouldn’t be able to get me from that side. As I am thinking the westbound comes where I am standing. The eastbound is now turning onto Western and rolling right past me. Dammitt, the westbound stop is across the terminal and around the corner. So now I gotta be the big dude running for the bus. In Timbs and carrying a coffee. And if Karma is alive, my thoughts of hitting that Pace driver in the eye may make this dude pull off on me. Plus it’s still a lil slippery.
I didn’t fall. He didn’t leave. Everything else was regular. Walking home I looked around where the car was parked. Didn’t see my phone. Just looked as a precaution, because I know where it is in the house. I had convinced myself.
Get home, go in the studio to my desk. No phone. Look everywhere. No phone. Grab the house phone and call it. No ring. Now my mind is racing where I could have dropped it. So now I am thinking about all my photos, and why I stopped backing up and if I activated the phone locator and all kinds of other ish. I say, lemme go outside and look in show real good.
Get outside. Neighbor is shoveling snow. She looked at me. It was a sinister look. She didn’t speak tho. She just looked. Asked her if she saw a phone out here. Of course she said no. Trick.
So I am kicking through all the snow piles where my car was. I see a hole in the snow in the lawn. Go check and it is a pipe. Demolished all the lil snow banks everywhere when I look in the street at a lil bitty pile of snow. Saw a little piece of black. Walk over and there is my phone. In the street in that snow. Won’t he do it?
Apologize to God for calling my neighbor a trick and go in the house. Make sure all my phone security stuff is activated and get ready to backup everything. Holla at my broad and tell her of my trials and tribulations. Tell her I am about to backup . . .
“Oh. My whole phone is automatically backed up to the cloud. I told you that you need to come on over.”
She’s Team Apple.
That is not the loving support I was looking for. Cell phone gang bangin’.
#ManicMonday

Comments 6

  1. Man you need to write a book. Get on it. Love love love it!! I had the visuals. I totally get your thought process #teamgemini. Can’t wait till the next one!!

    P. S. Glad you found your phone. #teamandroid

  2. Omg I read the whole thing and I hate reading! Have u ever thought of writing short stories…but all of yours would end up a freaking novel! Dude u had me from beginning to end! I love the explanation of things! Lol good story!

  3. I cant tell you how many times I literally laughed out loud…..From the bus driver, to your coffee, the Miss Muffet tribute, and the neighbor trick. The crazy thing is that, in my head, I was reading it in your voice. Great story.

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